I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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