Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
