I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
