may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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