No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
