I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
