i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
