Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
