I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
