some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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