I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
