final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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