we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
