Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
