you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
