I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if only i could text you this smell
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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