watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
