Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
should my penis look like a turkey
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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