just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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