So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
