I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
