I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
