I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
