and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
