one might say we're banned from that church
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
