Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
