A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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