I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
