I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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