Sorry, I don't speak sober.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
