hell yes lets make some ravioli
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
