Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
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