I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
