And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
