Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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