Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
