Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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