Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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