Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
