My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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