oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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