I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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