WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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