i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
