What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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