i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
