Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
