if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
