Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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