What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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