no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
