Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
3pm strippers are depressing
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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